Mothering alongside chronic illness

Recently I came across an article in Pittsburgh Parent magazine titled Moms…living with chronic illness.  The article stated, “ Mothers rarely finish their days with thoughts like, ‘That was easy.  Everything went as planned.’  This is doubly so for mothers living with chronic disease.”

The author goes on to suggest a few things to help us cope.

1. Adjusting your expectations. 

It’s hard to know exactly what you will be able to accomplish when you don’t know how you’ll feel on any given day.  One thing that is a must is adjusting expectations and priorities.  Sometimes I take a look at my to do list and pick the most important thing that cannot wait.  I know that this is all I might be able to accomplish for that day.  All of a sudden laundry is able to wait another day.  Even if you don’t get as much done as you had hoped, know that your children would rather have a mom who has paced herself and has something left to give her them.

2.  Accept help.

We need to learn to accept the kindness of others.  Most mothers don’t have a problem with accepting help if they have a sick child or just had a baby.  When you have a chronic need for help with every day things it’s hard not to feel bad about it.  People like to help people they care about.  Sooner or later everyone will be in a place where they need help.  Don’t deprive someone of the good feeling of helping you out.  You never know, on a good day you might be able to help them also.

State your needs.

Get rid of the idea of “supermom”.  You are a mother with special needs.  You wouldn’t feel bad about having to adjust your plans and daily activities if you had a child with special needs.  You are just as important.  Be articulate and to the point about what you need.  The person can either say yes or no.  I know my husband doesn’t like it when I beat around the bush.  If he’s able to take the kids out you may be able to cook that nice dinner and get some rest.

Find support.

It’s nice to have friends and family members who are willing to listen.  But you’ll also need someone who understands what you’re going through because they have been there too.  Even if support groups aren’t your thing, you can go once, connect with a few people then meet or talk with them outside of the group.  You can find such groups at www.hopekeepers.org or through your local hospital.  There are also online support groups.  These can be found at www.restministries.org, www.Healingwell.com, and www.Dailystrength.org.

I hope these ideas will help you live a more fulfilling life under the circumstances.  Always remember, you can still be a great mom even with limitations.  We are teaching our children how to be more kind, compassionate, and understanding.  That is always a good thing!